Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Playground Antics...!

Wow look at that. There’s a bunch of Teenagers on Television!! And they’re not happy slapping one another, nor are they getting incredibly drunk, or high, or having a quick orgy in some poor old lady’s back garden!! No, instead they’re dressed in fine suits, theyt have their hair slicked back, and are talking big, smart, long words that us poor Neanderthals can’t possibly comprehend!! Oh, and their also acting like arrogant, bulls**ting snobs who think they are god’s gift to the business world!! Yes, it could only be Junior Apprentice (BBC1), the beeb’s latest instalment of Lord Alan Sugar’s popular Apprentice Series, this time featuring a bunch of smarty-pants brats who wrongly believe their balls dropped early!!!

The simplest way to describe the show is ‘like The Apprentice, but with kids’. There’s nothing else to it. There’s no huge format changes, no unnecessary additions and no, Lord Sugar doesn’t dress up as a Clown (sparing us a sight more terrifying then Vanessa Feltz showing us her naughty bits). Some will argue that Sugar goes much easier on the ‘likkle cutesy wutsy kiddy-winklets’ but judging by his attitude throughout the first episode, I highly doubt he plans on being fun old Uncle Alan, dispensing cuddles and bedtime stories to the poor little mites when the pressure ramps up.

In the first instalment, Sugar tasks the Munchkins with selling a huge wodge of posh cheese. This being The Apprentice (sorry, Junior Apprentice), you know s**ts gonna go down, and sure enough, it does, as the Boy’s Team is completely murked by the Girl’s (who have the huge advantage of having A. Boobs and B. More Boobs to help them sell, sell, sell). Having failed what should have been a walk in the park, if their arrogant comments earlier in the show are to be believed, the Boy’s are marched into the Boardroom, where one of them will be fired (and hopefully gassed soon after)!!!

It’s an entertaining start to the Series, but unfortunately, there’s one little thing that annoys. This week, Team Leader Jordan gets the Boot from Lord Sugar. At first I was extremely overjoyed that he got the boot, so much that I think I cracked open a bottle of Champagne to celebrate (only kidding, I’m too poor to afford that, it was actually a Cup of Tea, but still...), but once the Show finished, I realised...there’s no one left to hate!!! Jordan was the most arrogant, smug, up-his-own-arse git there, a posh, camp little spunk weasel that should have been shot at birth, and whilst his removal in Week One was hilarious to the point that I snorted Tea out of my Nose, there is now a hate vacuum on the Show, one that must be filled ASAP, before the entire population of Britain changes channel to watch some other reality show bollocks!!! There are a few contenders for the position of most hated contestant, particularly Rhys, who just complains loads about everything anyone else does (plus he looks and sounds annoying, and this makes me want to punch him in the face with barbed wire boxing gloves) and Zoe, who looks and acts like a upper class hooker!!! There’s some I like amongst the bunch, particularly funny little Arjun, who I want to adopt, and Kirsty, who has more common sense than the rest combined.

Apart from that little niggle, Junior Apprentice is shaping up to be as entertaining as its parent show, and whilst the midgets here are perhaps less entertaining then the adult Candidates usually featured, the concept manages to breathe fresh life into a format that has begun to seem predictable and stale. Here’s hoping that the BBC sees sense and hires, er, I mean, recommissions this Show for full time employment.

Thank You for the Opportunity...!

This Week, TV Wasteland is celebrating the demise of the once great but now defunct Heroes (BBC2), by basically not watching it. After a brilliant first Season, the Show’s been in great decline, and in desperate need of being taken out to the shed at the end of the garden and shot. Now they’ve finally done just that, maybe they could get round to commissioning something that won’t go all crap after just one Season.

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