Grow Up...!

When I saw the adverts for it, I almost wet myself laughing at the irony!! Damn it, I think I may have ruptured an internal organ of some kind as a result. What was the Ad for, I hear you ask? Why, BBC Three’s Adult Season of course!! The ironic part of the Ad, I hear you ponder? Well, it simply comes down to the fact that most BBC Three Viewers have the mental age of about 3 Years Old.

OK, I’m being unnecessarily cruel now, but then again, I thrive on being unnecessarily cruel. This Year, BBC Three have bought us The Adult Season, a selection of documentaries, reality shows, and general Grade-Z bulls**t that each explore different aspects of adult life and growing up in general. Don’t expect any Robert Winston types to show up to explain the scientific stuff though – it’s pure, dumbed down, “life is hard when you’re a pubescent kid” rubbish. And yet, despite the dumb nature of it all, some of it is surprisingly watchable. Not enjoyable, but watchable, even if just to get your blood boiling.

First off, there’s Underage & Pregnant, a series of short films following a bunch of teenage girls who got knocked up. I know, fascinating isn’t it?! ‘Yawn’! Yes, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before: it’s an unfocused, plodding affair. It fails to educate and inform, it lacks momentum and heart, and worst of all, chooses to act neutral on the whole controversial matter throughout, refusing to portray the struggle of teenage parenthood either in a negative or positive manner. By all means be neutral in matters concerning politics or race, but teenage pregnancy?!!! C’mon!!! Why not just go a step further and plant hidden subliminal messages in the soundtrack, in order to brainwash every teenager watching this to get themselves or someone else up the duff?!!

Elsewhere, there’s documentaries such as Glamour Models, Mum and Me, following 14 year old schoolgirl Georgia, whose Mother is a surgery obsessed tabloid glamour model!! Oh, and she’s also an arrogant, self centred, pushy parent who wants to force poor, intelligent Georgia into the world of celebrity!! She certainly doesn’t do the stereotype of Models any favours!! It’s a heartbreaking and infuriating watch, as Georgia is repeatedly pushed by her overbearing mother into the limelight that she abhors!! The documentary is serviceable enough, and is an interesting piece, but only serves to make anyone with a sense of decency watching tear their hair out in fury at the antics of Georgia’s bitch of a Mum!! Poor Kid.

However the real infuriating favourite here is Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum, a great little reality show following a group of lazy, spoilt, rude, needy, whiny teens, whose parents pretty much wipe their scrawny little arse’s for them, as they are forced to fend for themselves for the first time ever. Each week, the group must go out into the world of work. If they screw up, their parents collectively decide who has been the most useless that week and kick them out of the competition (yes, the winner gets a free holiday. For being a lazy little t**t. There’s no justice in the world, is there?!). As a programme, it’s shockingly bad, only helped along by Robert Webb’s narration, and the hilarious stupidity of the teenage layabouts featured. Highlight? When working at a Zoo, one of the Girl’s asks if the Elephants will eat her if she gets too close. Honestly, you couldn’t make this up. The show is entertaining in that respect, but at the same time, watching these brainless little retards struggle to even figure out the basics of independent life is cringe worthy, to say the least.

Overall, BBC Three’s Adult Season is nothing special. All it merely does is highlight and focus on youth related problems that we’ve known about for years, and yet offers nothing new to the table. Here’s hoping the drooling morons watching this are grown up enough to stand up without assistance and turn this crap off.