Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Shut the Damn Door...!

Regular Readers (so that’s all four of you) of this Blog may remember a few weeks ago, in the middle of a huge rant about boring, samey old Gameshows, that I pitched my own idea for a Gameshow, involving contestants facing their fears and horribly mutilating themselves, all for big cash prizes!! Well, they’ve only gone and bloody made it, haven’t they?!! The Door (ITV1) is the result of my twisted genius!! Obviously they’ve toned it down somewhat, but the basic concept is still there. I think I need to get my Lawyer on the Phone. On second thoughts, I think I need to get a Lawyer first.

But yes, back to The Door, which I must admit, despite being sceptical at first, proved to be excellent first class entertainment!! Maybe it’s the sick, twisted pleasure I got from seeing Celebs being brutally tortured (unfortunately by tortured, I really mean forced to face their fears, without any potential threat to their wellbeing whatsoever) but this show has, in my opinion, the best concept ever!! It’s not original in the slightest, but then again it is ITV we’re talking about, which hardly prides itself on its originality. God, they could have just called it Celebrity Saw and left it at that.

Still, it truly is fascinating, not just in seeing your ‘favourite’ blank faced, empty minded Z-list celebrity’s facing their greatest fears (heights, insects, clowns, Amanda Holden, etc...), but also in wondering how this even got commissioned. You feel sorry for the poor celebs on screen, but you do wonder what possessed them to even sign the contract to appear in the first place.

This brings us to the ‘talent’. So which well known and prominent famous faces have agreed to be brutally exploited for the audience’s twisted pleasure? Well, hardly anyone famous, that’s for sure. There’s Fiz from Corrie, who does prove to be an entertaining and determined contestant; good ol’ Dean Gaffney, who obviously didn’t learn much from his stint on I’m a Celeb...; some chick who used to be on Eastenders, and whose name I can’t be bothered to waste Brain Cells on; some dude from Boyzone; one of the Saturdays, who proves about as useful and entertaining as one of their Albums (I’ll give you a clue here – I’m not a fan); and finally ex-CBBC presenter Michael Underwood, one of my Childhood heroes, who still kicks ass like he did way back when!! You can guess who I was rooting for...

Sadly, the Presenters selected are hardly fitting for a show as twisted as this...in fact, their just plain dull. Firstly there’s Chris Tarrant, who looks about as thrilled to be there as much as a convicted Terrorist is to be in Guantanamo Bay!! Come on ITV, give the Man a comfy chair and a fresh glass of Orange Juice, the poor man looks exhausted just standing there, doing nothing. But seriously, if you’re aiming to create a scary, atmospheric show, at least get someone who is truly creepy to present it, not just one of your regular backbenchers!!

If Tarrant is ITV’s attempt at bringing to life Saw’s Jigsaw, then that makes co-host Amanda Holden their attempt at that creepy little Puppet!!! ‘There are some things so twisted, so horrible, so just plain weird, they should be kept locked behind closed doors’ she says at the beginning of the Show. If I didn’t know any better I’d have believed she was referring to herself. Holden is TV Trash in my opinion, the kind of talentless bint who somehow manages to get more work then she deserves. Here she comes across as a cackling witch, straight out of The Wizard of Oz, laughing with disgusting pleasure at the sight of the torture before her!! God, it’s terrifying to watch her on screen, and that’s without looking at her face, which reminds me of a shop window dummy after a kid with crayons has got at it!! Most definitely a Witch!! Quick, someone get the bucket of Water!!!!!!

Crap Presenters aside, The Door is top notch, guilty pleasure entertainment at its best. There’s plenty of action, laughs and celebs getting treated like bathroom scum to keep both adults and children entertained. Yes, it’s cheap and cheesy and unoriginal, and at times pure stupidness wrapped up with a side order of idiocy...yet there will always be something appealing about the idea of celebrities getting tortured on telly for shits and giggles!! Good show I say, bravo!!!

Now, if only we can somehow persuade Amanda Holden to take part in the next series?! Hmmmmmmm...

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